A Fake Wedding, A Real Marriage
by Cassandraishere
Summary: Katniss is to marry Peeta soon after the first hunger games and has mixed feelings. She knows she cares about Peeta, but to what extent? Will Katniss learn the meaning of true love? Rated T to be safe.
1. Doubt

**If you have read any of my other stories such as "Peeta, I'm Pregnant" or "The Games Have Changed" I'm sorry to inform you I'm suffering from severe writers block, I need to blow off some steam so here's another story. I wouldn't expect another update on the other stories for a little while. Sorry about that.**

Chapter One: Doubt.

I'm looking at myself in disbelief, this isn't how I look like, I've never seen a possibility for me to look like this on my face. Yet here I am. Here I stand, my grey eyes staring back at me in utter astonishment. I'm dressed in an exquisite white gown that hugs my figure; I somehow seem thinner and taller. I feel like I'm in a much too happy dream, I awaiting the arrival of the horror already so that I can wake up to Peeta's cheese buns. I pinch myself, I blink, I try it all and I'm still here, barefoot and in a wedding dress.

Behind me on a settee are Cinna, Prim, Haymitch and my mother. They all stare at me and wait for me to say something, to react in a way that does not involve me jumping up and down like a frustrated chicken.

Finally Haymitch clears his throat and breaks the silence with a hesitant "Sweetheart?"

I turn around to face all of them, a grin is on my face, I must look deranged for they all stiffen, they relax once I speak "Let's get my shoes and get me married"

My mother and Prim are the first to rush out the door; they are to do something about flowers or something. Once they leave I deflate like a balloon and collapse on the settee between Cinna and Haymitch.

Cinna smiles and takes my left hand in both of his "This will be good for you"

I scoff "I know _that_" I try to explain myself "I'm the only person who is in the benefit end of the stick"

Cinna smiles almost sadly as he squeezes my hand "someday your mind will clear and you'll understand what was there all along" Cinna stands and leaves me alone with Haymitch and his cryptic message.

Haymitch smiles at me, he isn't intoxicated, I give him a questioning face "Today, and the day you start popping Mellark's are the only ones you'll see me like this so listen up" he lifts the index finger of his right hand and continues "you take care of that boy. He's like a son to me and you're a daughter to me and I will not stand there and have you ruin things because you're not paying attention. You know very well what I mean, so I need you to think about him for once in your life and let the chips fall where they may" Haymitch smiles again and pulls me into a hug. I notice he is crying as he whispers "I know you love him sweetheart"

I freeze under his touch and feel a lump in my throat, I couldn't think like that right now, I had to get through the day's events, I had to help Gale feed his family, I had to protect my family, I had so many things to do I couldn't look at Peeta that way. Not now. Not ever.

Instead of turning on Haymitch like I know I would have I pat his back and let him leave me in my dressing room with my thoughts and all these mirrors. I still cannot believe I look like this. I twirl for myself, surprised to see how much better the dress looks like in motion. I twirl around and around, I'm giggling and in this moment I feel as light as a feather, I can't stop laughing and I almost trip before my feet until…

I hear silent clapping behind me and a familiar laugh, the laugh is warm and I feel it shake the walls of my insides and I don't need to turn around to know who it is. I could just tell he was here, the atmosphere around shifted to accommodate him. My body turned to high alert to accommodate him.

"Peeta!" I hear myself shout at him before I leap into his arms, I was angry for maybe a nanosecond before realizing I had been expecting him. I feel my stomach tighten at the sight of him. I've never seen him this handsome before. He stands before me, with his golden hair that curls into lazy fat curls combed back, he wears a black suit that seems to have been sown just for him, and it probably was. There are peals on his cuffs upon closer inspection; I smile all my buttons are pearls even now we are still matching. He holds me as I look at his bright face "Effie said you're not supposed to see me before the ceremony"

He lifts an eyebrow "Since when do _you_ listen to Effie?"

I shrug "Better safe than sorry" I look into his eyes "why are you here anyways?" He lets go of me and heads for the settee, I'm surprised at how disappointed I am to be left without his arms but I shake of the feeling and sit beside him.

I nervously wring my hands as he speaks "I brought you some things" he smiles sheepishly and hands over a blue box "I felt like this would be better" I frown at the small box in my hand before opening it. Peeta averts his eyes to study the Primroses in my room with unnecessary scrutiny. I can tell he's uncomfortable, but I do nothing to fix the situation. I've never been good at putting people at easy, that's his talent.

He turns back to me at the sound of my gasp, his eyebrows are lifted in anticipation but all I manage to choke out is a repetitive sound "Oh Peeta" he smiles at me and squeezes my shoulder.

"I hoped you would like it"

I'm so overwhelmed by emotion that his words almost offend me "Like it? How could I only _like _I-I I've never had something so beautiful" I'm in tears at this point, I feel my skin get hot as I try to communicate with him "Why would you give me something so perfect? Why go to all the trouble? I don't _deserve_ this- I"

He presses a finger to my lips, smudging my lipstick in the process "It was no trouble. Effie helped me out"

I can't help the hot tears running down my face as I slip my new engagement ring onto my finger. I'm filled with guilt as he watches me with loving eyes. I've done nothing to deserve him or repay him. I stare down at the ring knowing full well he chose it for me. He didn't allow any Capitolite take that from me, my engagement ring was chosen by my husband-to-be with me in mind. It really is beautiful, it's simple and perfect. A golden wedding band and a perfectly sized rhombus shaped diamond. I smile down at it, it's engraved with three simple words, _'I love you'_.

"Thank you, Peeta" I smile past my tears, I probably look like a wreck yet he doesn't say anything "Thank you so much" I hug him, the little blue box is forgotten in my lap.

He pulls away "there is more in that box"

I frown in confusion, what else could I possibly need for a wedding? I look down at my Mockingjay pin and sigh.

"For courage" Peeta says plainly, no follow-up, he reaches for the pin and fastens it on the inside of my dress, near my neckline. I try not to catch my breath when his fingers graze my skin but it happens anyways. He smiles weakly and drops his hands in his lap.

'I don't need courage to marry you' is what I want to say next, yet I keep my mouth shut because I know that isn't the appropriate thing to say. Instead I look at the box again and see a small hair pin. I recognize it immediately. It's my mother's most prized possession, the little pearl pin she wore in her hair on her wedding day. I find it impossible not to cry.

Peeta hugs me one last time and wipes my tears for me. With a feather-like touch he puts the pin in my hair. He smiles before he walks out the door "I'll get Cinna, he probably want's to fix your makeup"

I smile and nod, the door clicks closed. I breathe deeply to keep the panic at bay. I can do this, I really can

…

**Thank you for reading, review if you want me to continue, I don't know if I will with this one. I'll try to finish a chapter for "Peeta, I'm Pregnant" now, thank you for your time.**

**Cassandraishere.**


	2. His Smile

**I decided to do this thing, I'll just keep writing until I feel it's ready to be over.**

Chapter Two: His Smile

I hug Prim and adjust her pink dress until its wrinkle free. She touches my cheek lightly and smiles "You'll be just fine" she holds up the beautiful flowers she's named after "I have to go sprinkle these about, I'll see you in a bit. Don't trip" she giggles softly before she is escorted away.

I find Haymitch and slip my arm into his; we are at the end of a short progression consisting of Madge, Prim and my mother. I smile at him "Never thought you'd find yourself here, old man?"

He gives me a look "No, I figured we'd be doing this out of your backyard or the forest. I knew I would walk you down someday"

I shake my head "I'm starting to think that I'm the only person at this wedding who didn't see this coming"

He laughs loudly and receives numerous dirty looks "As always, we keep you out of the loop until the last possible second"

I sigh "I'm scared"

"You're supposed to, this is a wedding" I catch his hidden meaning and laugh in a very ungraceful manner.

I shake my head "Thanks"

He nods "I try"

The doors open for Haymitch and I to begin to walk down the aisle. I ignore all the Capitol people I don't recognize, I don't notice the faces of Prim, mom, Hazelle, Gale, or anyone I actually know. I don't see all the flowers, the ribbons, and the dangerous amount of candles. My eyes are occupied, he's the first I see and I don't dare look elsewhere. He smiles and it warms me, it shuts off the entire world and keeps me safe. I forget to worry about the possibility that we all might die tomorrow, or that I'll never be able to make Peeta happy because right now he's happy, and when he feels joy I can't help but feel it as well. He's beautiful eyes sparkle like sapphires, his blond waves shine like honey, and the old fracture in his nose just makes his seem so much more incredible. I try to breathe normally, to organize my thoughts, but the stern voice that has been keeping me in line for all of my life melts away like a forgotten ice cube. All that I'm left with are quivering knees and the irrational need to touch Peeta's hands, his face, his lips…

I surprise myself by not thinking something else or looking away, instead when Haymitch hands me over to Peeta and our hands meet I make sure to caress his cheek. We both smile at each other; I've never felt this at ease while the entire country watched me.

I watch Peeta closely; he speaks the vows that have been repeated by millions and somehow manages to make my heart flutter since he looks at me so intently. He promises me things he's already accomplished, he will love me and hold me and protect me. He grins a little when he speaks "I bind myself to you with these vows, willing and wholeheartedly, free from any doubt or mental reservation…" I begin to cry, what have I ever done to deserve him? Without breaking eye contact or even pausing as he speaks he wipes my tears away with his thumb, he's done it thousands of times but my breath still catches. I feel so overwhelmed, and he hasn't even kissed me yet. My skin warms not unpleasantly at the thought and I feel very embarrassed.

Now it's my turn to promise him things I'm not sure I'll accomplish, yet he gives me the same look all the same. My words come out clearer than I expected, I don't sob, pause or struggle. "I take you Peeta Mellark to be my husband, from this day forward I promise before God and these witnesses to be your faithful wife…" I'm sure of myself when I speak. I'm being honest to him today. This makes him smile and it's contagious so I smile as well. The man marrying us seems to want to drill into our heads that we are marrying each other, probably courtesy of the President himself yet I don't care, because I pleasantly answer the question before he can even finish forming the words "I do!" a little giggle runs through the crowd I am yet to see are even present. I didn't even bother to check if there were cameras here at all.

When the ceremony comes to a close the man hasn't even started saying the word 'bride' by the time I've started to kiss Peeta, I know I didn't take him by surprise, the both of us ran out of patience. The crowd around us is celebrating, and I suddenly feel the need to take off my shoes. To my utter surprise Prim, Haymitch and my mother are all crying in unison, and my lips are itching to kiss Peeta again. This doesn't make any sense, I don't make any sense. I don't have time to think about things today, I let Peeta raise our hands over our heads in our signature pose before I kiss him again. He's surprised but lets me anyways.

…..

"Why are you staring at me?" I ask him, his arm is wrapped around my shoulders and to avoid conversation I'm constantly picking at things with my fingers. Cinna gave me so many buttons.

"It's just an odd day that's all" Peeta touches my hair, I pretend not to melt "If I could stop concentrating on the money that went into this I could almost call it beautiful"

I look around us; I really hadn't been capable of noticing the world beyond him for the last half-hour, I did now. I have no idea where we are. I don't know anything about the Capitol, but we're in a large glass room that spills into a perfectly kept garden, we are walking after two peacekeepers who are attempting to make sure we don't run away from our mandatory wedding reception. Peeta and I are entirely distracted.

We're here in the glass bowl, staring at the vaulted ceilings and elaborately decorated roofs and floorings. Peeta leans into me "What an absolute waste of money"

My mother runs up to me in tears and hugs me, we haven't had much of a relationship so I feel doubt in my features as she holds me cooing something about her baby being married. I smile and embrace her.

When I turn around I notice Peeta is no longer beside me, I feel slightly empty. I look around and notice that he's laughing with his brothers, I smile, and it really is a beautiful picture.

"Wouldn't you make a pretty picture?" I turn around at the sound of his voice. He sounds abnormally tense, which must be a new record, Gale is always tense.

"Hey Gale" I grin when I see him "funny to see you here"

He barks a laugh "I figured you wouldn't be so… relaxed, especially today"

I shrug; I have nothing else to say.

"I'll see you when you come back home" he says abruptly he pats my shoulder before walking away.

I don't have much time to be confused by this since Peeta comes up behind me and steers me towards a group of people "Haaave you met my dad?"

"No, I don't believe I have" I shake my head, he's so excited.

…

The evening has actually been going less terrible than I imagined. A lot of people come up to us to congratulate us, this annoys me because I don't recognize most of the faces I see. But as always, Peeta fixes things. He places a comforting arm around me and says something about needing to hold his new bride.

I giggle at his comment, but the dance floor is immediately cleared as a slow song plays. This is our first dance. I feel my palms grow damp. Peeta rests his hands against the small of my back and I wrap my arms around his neck. I rest my cheek in the crook of his neck, I breathe in his familiar scent.

"How can you always smell like cinnamon and dill?" I murmur my eyes are hooded as he holds me. I always feel so incredibly comfortable when he wraps his arms around me.

"Because I'm a man that's what we smell like" I laugh softly at his silly joke. I feel him plan a kiss on the crown of my head; I don't know why I shiver "Do you want to know what you smell like?"

"Let me guess, sweat" I feel him smile into my hair.

"No, you smell like fresh air and pine" I feel his arms tighten around me "it's nice"

I can't seem to stop smiling, this is probably the most intimate moment we've ever had. My breath catches in my throat at the mere thought. This is wrong; we shouldn't be having intimate moments at all. I can't bring myself out of his arms; my body completely disregards my mind. My body has dismissed me.

Slowly the song fades into another and other couples begin to dance along to the song as well. Peeta and I don't separate. I close my eyes and cuddle into his warmth. Someone taps his shoulder, its Haymitch.

"May I borrow her?" he asks, I notice he doesn't smell like he usually does. He hasn't had a drop of liquor, impressive.

"Sure" Peeta and I untangle from each other, I make a face. There goes the moment.

I put my hand in Haymitch's, "is this the parent dance thing?"

He nods "I will let you know that Effie made sure I was prepared for this. Contemplate true genius"

I laugh "What is it that you wanted to tell me Haymitch?"

He makes an offended face but speaks anyways "your honeymoon will be televised"

I sigh "Perfect"

"Don't worry, there won't be camera's in your bedroom, that's just tacky"

I laugh so hard I snort "Gee, that's great"

"Just remember, you're head over heels in love. Don't do anything stupid. Try not to fight with him"

I feel like I've been chastised "Fine"

He pats my shoulder "Make me proud sweetheart"

I roll my eyes and see Peeta and his mother; they seem to be arguing "Hey look, it's Peeta and the witch. How can she fight with him on our wedding day?"

"Can you please try not to break my hand?" I loosen my grip on Haymitch "try to keep that passion for the boy for your honeymoon."

I squeeze his hand, hard. He winces, I grin "Stop it" he hisses, I do as I'm told.

The music changes and Peeta comes over to claim me, I willingly fall back into his arms. He smiles again.

I think I could get used to him smiling.

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I loved writing it, Peeta was just so sweet.**

** Please review! The more reviews I get the faster I tend to publish another chapter!**

**Cassandraishere**


	3. Words

**I know this update took a while, I've had writers block combined with school, terrible, I know. I have to inform you that Peeta's P.O.V does not happen in this chapter, I'm considering it for the next since I feel it would make more impact then. I think this chapter may be weak, since it's a mere stepping stone to the next. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the read.**

Chapter three: Words

The music dies down and I open my eyes. Peeta looks around but he does no let go of me. We've been passed about and made to dance with a bunch of mumbling fools.

I hear Effie's familiar voice "Time to feast!"

Peeta and I look at each other and I know what he's thinking. This will be like the party we went to while on the victory tour. A stain upon a barely decent day; we walk among the crowd towards a large glass dining table outside. It is nestled among a universe of flowers and trees with bright colored leaves. Peeta pulls out a chair for me, I smile in gratitude.

Peeta sits close to me and informs me that our family members will each take turns in saying a few words for us before we eat. My stomach flips, now my family had to put on a show for the Capitol? I gulp.

Our families are seated near us around our end of the table; Effie announces that the groom's side must go first. Peeta squeezes my hand.

The following is a series of jokes from Peeta's older brothers, all of which refer to a) Peeta's childhood or b) Sexual innuendos. As the laughter dies down and I manage to make my blush less noticeable Peeta's mother stands up with her glass in the air. I gulp; Peeta's hold on me tightens.

"I would like to say a few words" she speaks quietly while refusing to meet my eyes. Again I wonder what she was arguing with Peeta about earlier. "To my son" everyone grows quiet as we watch her watch Peeta "I hope your life is filled with riches and joy despite how many mistakes you have made"

I feel the sudden need to hurl myself at her, yet Peeta remains calm. From the other end of the table I see Haymitch raise his glass, give me the _'don't do anything stupid' _look and drink his wine in one motion.

Instead of killing Peeta's mother I settle on glaring at her for the rest of the evening. I feel very unsatisfied.

Peeta's face suddenly breaks into a mesmerizing, iridescent smile. For a second I forget where I am by the sheer force of his smile. I blink a couple of times and look over in the direction his eyes are fixed upon so fondly, I find Prim; I begin to smile as well.

Prim looks a little shy and stares at her shoes for a second. I feel the need to reach for her hand, but she is too far. Finally she lifts her head and smiles at the crowd waiting for her to speak. She turns to look at me with her caring blue eyes.

"Thank you" she begins softly, her shyness disappears as she looks at me, and I feel as if she can see my soul "For everything, Kat. You've looked after me for as long as I can remember. You've always made me feel safe, loved, important no matter how dire the circumstances. I've always known that you are there for me, I've never doubted you. All I've ever really wanted is for you to be happy; your happiness is my concern. You've always been attentive to me and my own happiness; you've always tried to make any pain I feel easier to handle." She smiles widely before continuing "that is why I'm so glad for today. Despite all, I'm still extremely thankful for today" I panic slightly at her choice of words, Prim continues without hesitation "because now you have Peeta. I'm really happy you're here Peeta because I know you'll make my sister very happy. She's spent too much time worried over other people's emotional stability; she needs someone to fuss over her. Take care of my sister; she's the most wonderful treasure your eyes will ever be given the honor to fall upon" Prim's tears fall silently down her cheeks, I'm crying as well and cannot help but slide to my feet and collect my sister in my arms. I bury my nose in her soft golden hair and sob with her, our sobs eventually evolve into laughter and I pull away slightly to gaze upon her beautiful face.

"I love you so much little duck, more than I could ever express" I whisper as I clean her cheeks from her tears. I kiss both her cheeks and she smiles.

"I know Katniss, I love you too"

…

"Have fun you two" Haymitch slurs his words slightly, he hasn't reached his normal blood-alcohol levels, something that feels extremely touching in an odd way "try not to kill each other!"

Despite his extreme disregard for most things that matter, and his blatant uninterested in feelings I gently put my hand to his cheek "thanks, old man, for not drinking and for you know, caring"

He grins softly "You're welcome sweetheart, just remember to watch what you say, then you'll be fine"

I nod; Peeta lays his hand on my shoulder "We've got to go"

I turn to face him and take a hand he's offering "Are you ready?" I whisper softly, my own nerves catching up to me, the hairs on the back of my neck stand tall as I attempt to compose my expression in an effort to hide, to hide from all these strangers that feel the need to reach out to touch us, to throw rose petals at us, to congratulate us. I would rather they toss rosemary at us a symbol of remembrance back in Twelve, used only at funerals. It would have been fitting.

"No" he whispers back, his grip on me tightening "I know there must be a surprise waiting to attack us, I can feel it. I want to know what it is; I wish I could be prepared"

I study the look in his eyes; I see all the worry, the pain, the anguish, the utter stress that must have been following him like a dog the past few days, in contrast to the forced smile his lips are permanently forced into is able to mute me. I cannot believe how nobody seems to see this, our complete feeling of loss, of _pain_. Chills run through me, I don't know how to fix this, I cannot _handle_ this

.

And instead of making him feel better I simply look at him, without the mask that clouds my feelings. I simply look at him with the twin of his sorrows. I want him to see I understand, by the way the ocean of his eyes look at me I can see he does.

We are in complete silence, a silence that pulls at my mind and worries me as we walk behind a pair of peacekeapers who are efficiently guiding us to a hovercraft, we don't know where it will take us. A part of me has no interest in knowing. I'm a Capitol puppet after all, I have no soul.

We are seated near a window and I wave to my mother, Gale, Haymitch, and Prim. They seem to be alright. They'll be alright while we're gone, yet I make a metal note to check on them regularly. There must be a way for us to communicate.

As per usual in our social interactions, Peeta breaks the silence that has continued to stretch after taking flight "What do we do now?"

I give him a small, sincere smile "We follow Haymitch's advice, we stay alive"

He sits back with a sarcastic laugh and a very good Capitol accent "And may the odds be ever in our favour"

…..

We arrive somewhere completely irrelevant to me. I figure, maybe this place could do for good television. How do honeymoons go? Couples in Twelve cannot indulge themselves in them. We are simply too poor. What is the point of a honeymoon anyways? Why is it _called_ a honeymoon?

I had asked the only person I know who could possibly know enough to answer one of those questions, Effie.

_"Oh" she had given me a knowing smile, as if she were my mother when she attempted to teach me about men, and marriage and children "Well it is an ancient tradition, it has been followed since the dawn of time"_

_ I had sighed in frustration "But what is the _point_? Why travel so far from ones family?"_

_ Effie had laughed lightly at my ignorance "For romance Katniss. That is what honeymoons are for, to enjoy the romance before children, family, and responsibilities get in the way" she had patted my hands caringly, I felt almost consoled by her touch._

_ "Also, it's the time when a couple engages in lots of exotically uncomfortable sexual positions!" Haymitch had shouted from the other end of the room, drunk out of his mind._

_ Effie blushed in complete anger "That is _not_ something you tell a teenage girl Abernathy!" she then had stood and stumbled after Haymitch, her extremely high heels clearly giving her a pain._

I close my eyes. The memory makes me giggle, a very unnatural reaction. I'm Katniss Everdeen, I do _not_ giggle. And yet I can't stop, suddenly I burst into honest laughter. We are stepping off the Hovercraft and it looks like I've gone mad. Peeta simply smiles softly at me, confusion clear on his features, mixed in is some worry. He must think I've finally snapped.

I shake my head in an attempt to speak, it takes me about seven tries, but I manage "I… I… w-was… think… think…think… thinking about Effie!" I continue to laugh; Peeta simply raises an eyebrow "I-I… I'll tell you later" I manage to say as I attempt to control my giggles and my breathing. I fail miserably and I am left resemble some sort of mumbling, drunken fool.

Peeta decides to ignore me and gently guide me after the peacekeepers that must be reaching their absolute limit of us. The hovercraft had landed on the roof of some sort of building. We are in a warmer climate; the sun burns my skin and shines beautifully upon the land. The heat is something I'm not used to, it's humid and I feel my lungs working double time.

I'm suddenly curious as to where in the world we could possibly be.

"Somewhere off the coast of District Four, Katniss" Peeta says over his shoulder. I wonder if he can read minds for I am yet to speak a coherent sentence. "It isn't meant for the community, it's meant for the filthiest of the Capitol's rich" he adds carefully, his words disappearing with the wind.

My insides turn in disgust. Another injustice is flung to my face. From what my eyes can capture there is more than enough space here to build District Twelve here, over four times.

Finally we are left alone, my first action is to collapse upon the bed in our room, I'm spent; my feet are aching, my scalp hurts, my dress is too tight, and my face feels unclean.

Peeta's first move is to use the bathroom, from what I can collect he needs to go, and by go I mean right _now_.

While he's there I manage to kick of my shoes and with great care I remove my mother's bridal hair piece. I fight with my hair until my fingers can finally run freely past each curl, my scalp reacts by pounding. I walk over to a mirror in the corner of the room. I'm covered in buttons, so many buttons.

Peeta enters the room, his tie has been tarnished and he immediately falls unto the bed. Clearly he's tired. I feel no need to bother him; I can deal with these buttons. I turn and bite my bottom lip in concentration. There's too many. I can barely reach the first one. I manage a couple at my waist and my neck; I must look like a dog attempting to catch their own tail. Peeta laughs from the bed and says just that.

I scowl at him and attempt to reach for a button and end up giving myself a sharp pain down my side. I curse.

He's there quickly "I'll do it" he brushes my fingers away, quickly I begin to feel my ribcage stretching back into its normal shape "Why so many buttons anyways?"

I shrug and massage my scalp "Cinna's way of annoying me I guess?"

Peeta kneels behind me as the buttons continue, I feel like a five-year-old "They're so small" he comments half-heartedly.

"Your fingers are fat" I say with the same lack of interest in the conversation.

"There, you should be able to take it off now" He moves away from me and sits on the bed; I've never seen him this exhausted before. This isn't insomnia, this is the effect life has on people like us.

"Thanks" I mumble as I find the bag that has my name on a label. I drag it with me to the bathroom, it's unreasonably heavy.

"Katniss" he calls after me, his eyes are concentrated on the window in front of him, and his voice sounds almost older, as if he's aged years in the past hours or days.

"Yes?" I stop by the bathroom door, my dress is beginning to fall of my right shoulder, but I'm wearing a slip so it doesn't matter anyways.

"We have to go outside, do something for the cameras, alright?"

I nod "Okay. I'll get dressed"

He turns to look at me "And Katniss… remember what we are here for"

I nod hesitantly "how could I forget?"

He smiles carefully "Yes, how could you possibly forget"

I don't catch his meaning; instead I lock myself in the bathroom.

I drop the bag after the door closes because of how my hands are shaking. His meaning finally becomes clear. 'Remember what we are here for' he knows, Peeta knows. He knows there is an uprising; he wants us to go with it. His face said it all.

What will happen when we walk out the door?

**Thank you for reading, don't forget to review!**

**Cassandraishere**


	4. I Want To Know You

**Hello Lovelies! I come bearing gifts! The gifts of cutesy Katniss ans Peeta moments! I'm sorry this update took so long, I had soooooo many exams, I can't even begin to tell you!**

_**I can't say that, I won't say it back  
I need to dig a little deeper  
Dig a little deeper  
You, you! Oh!  
You, you! Oh! You!  
Ooh, ooh, ooh  
Dig a little deeper  
You, you! Oh!  
You, you! Oh! You!**_

_**Ella Eyre- Deeper**_

* * *

"Peeta" my voice is small, something I'm not used to, and this makes me flinch. I'm showing weakness, I hate myself for that.

"Yeah?" he says almost drowsily as he walks about barefoot searching for some clothes in a bag. I watch the way his back muscles move; he's not wearing a shirt. I don't think he even notices what his semi-nudity does to me. Honestly, I don't know what it does to _me_ in the first place.

"What are we going to do?" I cross my arms and lean against the doorframe, mostly to get a better view of him. I honestly don't know what is wrong with me.

"We are going to walk around and make out or something. Newlyweds stuff; whatever." He yawns near the end of his sentence, it makes me smile.

"Sounds very fun" I say with an unfamiliar edge to my voice.

He hums in return.

I walk over to him and place my cool hands on his warmer back, I lean my face against his back "Go to bed"

"We have stuff to do, also it's the middle of the day" he objects through multiple yawns.

"There's always tomorrow" I say in an oddly calming way "they won't suspect anything, they'll probably think we just wanted to rush into the wedding night"

I feel the vibrations of his laughter under my cheek "My mother will be so angry…"

It's my turn to laugh "Screw her"

He shakes his head "I'm not tired"

I smile and pull on him "Yes you are, go to bed _now_"

It seems that he realizes my tone means I'm in no mood to be argued with; he crawls into the bed and lays flat on his back. I lean against the full length window.

"Are you coming or not?" he asks while staring at the ceiling.

I feel a smile pull on the edges of my lips as I crawl towards him "I'm not that tired" I say softly as I lay next to him.

"Liar" he mumbles before reaching to wrap his arms around me.

I press my ear to his chest and fall asleep extremely content.

When we wake up again the sky is dark, the sun long gone. I turn and fight down the disappointment when I feel my fingers brush against Peeta's side of the bed. It's vacant. I open my eyes, hazy with the left over effects of drowsiness, and scan the room.

I'm alone.

I carefully rise to my feet, my clothes stiff. The simple blue dress I wore to bed was never intended for slumber I realize now. I stretch my limbs and move across the room quietly. From the full length window the moon sparkles across the ocean. It is a beautiful view. The only sound in the room is my quiet breathing, soon I lose track of myself as I study the moon.

A sound startles me, a familiar thud. I turn around quickly, my loose chocolate strands slap me for my quick movement. Peeta raises his hands in the air.

"I come in peace" he offers with a sheepish grin "I got curious, I wanted to see where we are"

I sigh in relief and sit on the edge of the bed "What's the plan?" I inspect his eyes carefully. I have a feeling he's hiding something from me. He continuously avoids eye contact.

"We wait for the sun to make an appearance" he crosses his arms "and then we can go and explore our surroundings"

I nod slowly "Is that all you have to say?" I stare intently at my feet; they have suddenly become the most interesting thing in this planet.

The bed shifts as he sits beside me, he carefully places a hand on my shoulder, the other hand he uses to cup my cheek and make me look at him "Do you trust me?"

I gulp; he's looking at me intently, yet he doesn't bother to put to rest my suspicions "With my life" I whisper honestly.

He smiles, my answer clearly satisfies him "Then I need you to follow my lead"

The oceans of his eyes bore down on me and make me feel frail, exposed. I've never experienced such a feeling at the mercy of his gaze and it surprises me. My pulse loses its steady rhythm the longer we look at each other, our eyes speaking volumes. I've never let him see me like this, completely afraid, utterly fragile.

And I hate that.

His eyes speak a different story; his eyes are worried, yet sure. They comfort me. They nurture me. I'm not sure as to what he can possibly be thinking but his eyes envelop me in an undeniable feeling of safety, they make me want to wrap myself in their powerful colours and disappear. I'm afraid and he clearly is also, yet he offers to protect me, to help me.

With a soft nod I accept, I'll accept this alliance. I need this, I'll allow it. I'll allow it for him to carefully fight our way out of this puppet show we are currently starring in.

I'm not sure what would be left of me if I'm left to this parade on my own.

So when he collects me in his strong arms, I don't protest. I let my muscles relax and my resolve crumbles as he hugs me. I've been waiting for someone, anyone to offer me this and I'm just glad it was Peeta who offers the place where I can be weak; where I can be me a girl of no more than seventeen.

We hold on to each other as the sobs come. Violent, unattractive, frame shaking sobs claw out of my throat to be collected by his soft, warm shirt. He still manages to smell like cinnamon, brown sugar, dill, and cheese buns. This makes me cry harder, the reminder of home brings with it a tidal wave of worry and stress that I've been keeping sealed tight in a forgotten corner of my mind. I haven't allowed myself to scream or cry before this moment. The absolute terror I've been hiding reduces me to a crying heap of sweat matted curls. He runs his hands across my back in soothing motions, and I know he's trying his hardest to not break down here with me. He murmurs soothing words into my ear as I attempt to stop the shaking; his warm skin rubs warmth into my suddenly cold body.

My face nuzzles his neck as he holds me, my throat is tight and my mouth is dry. I dare to look at his face and find his eyes saying something new. They're apologetic and glazed over, yet they managed to remain comforting despite the obvious despair. He looks at me and I know what he wants to say and doesn't. He will protect me.

I've never been this overwhelmed by emotion. Since when did I start to be the one in need of protection? When did I cease to be the provider, the protector?

I decide to not bother to answer my own questions; instead I revel in this feeling of safety, something I haven't had the luxury of experiencing since my father's sudden death. I let Peeta collect me like a rag doll and gently place me in the middle of the bed; together we observe the moons silver rays and the oceans black waves. Self-consciously I scrub my face, immediately embarrassed by the snotty mess I've become. I may trust Peeta with my life but it feels odd to have him see me at my least attractive moments. We barely know each other well.

My last thought bothers me.

"Peeta?" I start feeling oddly nervous.

"Yes?" he murmurs as he rubs my arm, the gesture fills me with courage.

"Will you tell me about yourself?"

He chuckles beneath me his arm tightening around me. I feel him nuzzle my hair before speaking his breath tickles my scalp and his voice is muted "What is there to tell?"

I frown slightly, annoyed by the counterattack "Something must have happened between kindergarten and our wedding"

Wedding, that word seems surreal. Who would have thought I would ever marry? How is it possible that in this meaningless world I'm married to him?

Despite the darkness that surrounds these questions and their answers the result still is sweet, it's still warm, welcoming and satisfying. Despite everything I still get to keep Peeta, and I'm grateful for that.

I wish I could tell him that without making things complicated, he deserves to be appreciated.

"Well" he begins unaffected by my train of thought "there are a couple of stories. Most of them about my brothers, they made my life… well let's just say they made my life _interesting_."

"Oh?" I probe gently, tilting my chin to stare into his cerulean eyes.

He chuckles "Yeah, they were kind of a pain. They were always on my back like any other older brother would be. They would annoy me to no end about you for example, they still do actually."

I grin "How'd they find out about me?"

First he stares at me, and then he rolls his eyes clearly not finding the appropriate reaction in me "Katniss remember when I told you I've loved you since we were five?"

I nod.

"It's really easy to get a five year old to talk. It took Rye and Graham all of fifteen minutes to pin me down and tickle me senseless. Apparently I had been smiling too much and acting like I was keeping a secret, naturally they had no patience for it" He laughs lightly and his eyes light up at the memory "I peed on Rye"

I burst out laughing and he laughs with me "What? They really went all out didn't they?"

He shakes his head with his eyes downcast, a blond curl falls immediately to shield his eyes and I gently tuck it away. He blushes slightly at my touch and the image fills me with warmth "In my defense I warned him numerous times, he refused to get off"

"That sounds like Rye" I comment lightly and run my fingers through his hair with a smile.

He looks up and stares deeply at me with his bright eyes "Well Rye and Graham decided to set up a rein of torture for me every time we saw you at school. I think that they expected my crush for you to last maybe two weeks tops, they struggled with a game plan for a while. I can't believe you didn't notice them, they would always pucker their lips when you walked past me, and they would make all these cheesy comments."

I shrug "I think we've made it clear by now that I'm a very oblivious person"

He laughs once and shakes his head "They still do it you know, the teasing. Sometimes they embrace each other and pretend to be us and stuff. It's really pathetic"

"No, it sound really hilarious" I lean back against a pillow while loosely keeping my hold around his neck "What else where the Mellark boys up to for the past thirteen years?"

He gives me a questioning look, clearly confused over my sudden interest yet he does not protest. He avoids my eyes as he plays with a wayward curl of mine. He pinches it with his fingers and stretches it out, watching amusedly as it bounces back into place. He continues this game as his eyes take up a fond light as he travels to a different place in his mind. Probably the bakery, where he spent most of his existence "I've always been closer to Rye than Graham, Rye is closer to my age anyways, he's two years older. When I was seven Rye and I were in the bedroom we shared staring at the wall while we threw a ball of yarn at each other. It's a game we played every night from our beds until I was reaped. Anyways, while we threw the ball around Rye kept on telling me all these stories, he was trying to scare me. He did a very efficient job" He looks at me with a wide grin "he told me that if I stayed outside too long in the dark a she-monkey would eat me"

I laugh "That's terrible!"

He shakes his head still smiling "No, that's not the terrible part. Graham found out about my new found fear of darkness and monkeys, he figured that it'd be hilarious to scare the shit out of me while my mom wasn't around. He took me with him to run some errands; he kept me distracted long enough to hide behind a building and leave me around the outskirts of town near the woods. There were all these sounds and shadows, pretty terrifying if you're seven, if you ask me. Anyways, he eventually came to get me; I was all tear stained and pathetic. He took me back home and was laughing so hard, he told Rye everything, guess what Rye did?"

I tilt my head thoughtfully "I don't know Rye well, but I would have punched Graham in the nose"

He laughs "Then you and Rye have a lot in common because that's exactly what he did. Broke his nose and yelled at him for a good half-hour, told him that if he ever did something like that again he'd shove him in the oven. Rye has always been very overprotective of be, he took a lot of beating from mom to defend me, but since then I've known that I can count on him for anything"

Gently I run my finger along his bottom lip causing him to gasp softly "I didn't know you guys were close"

He clears his throat in an attempt to clear his mind "We are. I'd do anything for him"

His words warm my heart and cause me to smile wider than I have in years, a smile that's last appearance was for my father its return startles me and soothes me at once "You're his Prim"

He smiles softly and averts his eyes "I guess" I run my fingers along his jaw in the spirit of exploration, the texture is rough there he is yet to shave. Suddenly his eyes jump up to mine focused "I told you a story from my childhood, tell me one about yours"

"Yours wasn't very good, I still want to learn more" I whine bringing a crooked grin to his lips "I don't know much about you before everything that's happened between us. I don't even know how you met Delly; you know how I met Gale"

One of his fingers runs down my spine making me shiver "As a matter of fact I _don't_ know how you met Gale"

I frown "Really, I thought everyone knew"

He chuckles "I highly doubt that Katniss, most people know nothing about you"

I give him a look and cautiously open my mouth to speak "Well, it was really kind of an accident. We crossed path's while hunting once, we asked for each other's names, he mispronounced mine as Catnip, we figured hunting with a partner couldn't be bad and somehow along the way we became friends" I shrug "No big deal"

His finger runs back up my spine and my knees slacken "So _that's_ where the name Catnip originated, I didn't understand why he calls you that"

I flick his nose playfully with my finger "How'd you meet Delly?"

"I don't remember our first meeting; both of us were in diapers, quite the inconvenience" he smirks "Now back to _you_"

"Peeta" I whine.

We spend what is left of the night traveling backwards in time, revealing silly stories that could never be forgotten. He tells me about the first time he beat Rye in a wrestling match and I tell him about the first time I shot an arrow. He cannot cease smiling as he speaks of when his father taught him how to make bread and I cannot help but giggle as I tell him about Prim's first word 'No' which has a hilarious back-story involving my father, juggling, and my angered mother.

I learn that Peeta cannot stand the smell of damp ashes, a reason he dislikes District Twelve in the rain, that the first time he had anything with sugar was during our first train ride to the Capitol and that his right hands ring finger is double jointed.

I tell him that I dislike the color pink, I secretly enjoy it when someone runs their fingers through my hair, and when I close my eyes and concentrate hard enough I swear I can hear my father singing me a lullaby. I also tell him to stop pulling his finger into unnatural angles, it creeps me out.

Eventually we settle into a comfortable silence, our legs tangled together and our noses closer than usual. He runs his fingers past my chocolate locks happy that I seem to purr every time he does it. Neither of us is tired and the sun is due to rise at any moment. Instead of speaking we simply lay here and appreciate each other's company.

Much too soon the sun begins to break past the horizon, its appearance reminds me of our current location, the reasons we're here why we can't just pack up and leave. I frown as my eyes water; quickly I pull them away from his view and bite down on my lip ashamed by its sudden quiver.

Of course after everything we've been through, there's positively nothing I can hide from this boy, especially when we're lying so close.

He gingerly places the pad of his index finger under my chin and lifts my eyes towards his, the salty liquid finally spills as he observes me concern invades his eyes like storm clouds "What is it?"

I reach out to wipe my tears and shake my head "It's stupid"

He pushes back some of my hair and smiles gently "Tell me anyways"

I sigh and lean my forehead against his with my eyes tightly closed "I just remembered where we are… I just… I wish we could be home… like this"

His arms snake around my waist and he pulls me closer to him still, the embrace is comforting and exactly what I needed "I know how you feel" he whispers low enough to barely make a sound "I'm sorry… about everything. Getting married should have been your choice I-"

"Peeta no, getting married wasn't the problem, not being allowed to be alone together if we choose to, that's the problem." My words silence him "I want… this, it's just that, well, I wish we could not be here right now and still have… this"

His silence stretches for far longer than I'm used to, it forces me to chastise myself for not putting a filter to my words, my heart squeezes in unexpected pain.

When I'm about to pull away from him and fly out the door he finally decides to speak "Katniss… what is _this_ to you?"

I gulp and hide my face in his shoulder "I don't know. I just… I like it"

His chuckle surprises me "Alright, I guess I'll allow this"

I pull back to stare at him with an incredulous expression, he looks ridiculously pleased "You're allowing things now?"

His expression because amused "I guess I am"

I'm in the process of finding the appropriately sarcastic remark to correspond to his statement when there is a knock from the other room, Peeta's eyes widen as he leaps out of the bedroom and past the sitting room towards the door "its breakfast!"

I roll my eyes and lay flat on my back. What do I do now that I'm attached to this boy?

* * *

**There it is! I'm drawing out the suspense here! Really, What is Peeta planning? Do you think you know? Tell me!**


End file.
